The whispering winds echo my words. Do you hear them?

The raging storms portray my anger. Does it vex you?

The blazing sun is my indignation. Do you swelter?

The soft showers imbued in my love. Do you bathe in them?

The unwavering clouds eclipse the skies, obscuring my feelings. Do you try to unravel them?

The falling autumn leaves settle on the ground, hoarding my happiness with them. Do you collect them?

The blooms of March exhibit my smiles. Do you savour them?

Everything around you holds my essence. Do you love it?

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A Letter To The Past

Dear Past,

You have within you skeletons and dreams buried so deep, I couldn’t dig them out with a shovel. You have old friends, some stay with me and some don’t. You have people wanting to be scientists and astronauts, never failing to aim for the sky. I got unlucky there. I have half dead zombies striving to make ends meet. You have dreamers, philosophers and people willing to explore. All I have is people willing to die sooner than they should. You have monuments and structures so creative, and I have people fighting over the lands. I hate complaining, but that’s all you’ve left me.

Well, I hope you’re happy. Who are we kidding? You’re not. There are so many people running from you, why would you be happy. Nobody wants to embrace you. They just want me. All of them. But they’re idiots. They have no idea about your powers. And someday they’ll know, then they’ll regret it. You can be proud of yourself for finally ruining everything then. But try not to, please. They’re mortals after all. They’ll come crying to me later and I will have to wipe their tears and show them the bright sun again.

Take care of yourself, friend. And them.

Also, don’t run so fast, you’ll catch up with me sooner than I’d like.

Lots of love and distance,
Future

PS request present to be a little more active in her job, will you?

Aren’t we all stories?

I carry my story
Eighteen years worth of it
To a new place
Full of the unknown
People, surroundings
It’s a new time
A new phase
A new opportunity
To rewrite my story
Do justice to my time
Feel good again
It’s a chance
To re-establish me
Rewrite the person I am
Rekindle the fire within
And I will do right by me
I’ll stand stronger, and higher
And carry my story
From this world to another
With pride and joy
Mine will be the most captivating
Of all the stories you hear
And I, it’s writer, the most striking
There have been wrecked trains
And movie moments
You’ll want to know about
And soon, you’ll become a part of my story
Which I’ll take again in a few years
To another world, bright and new
Few years added to my story
More adventures within
Crying to be known
I’ll take my story
Twenty one years worth of it
To yet another new place
Full of the unknown

~to college, a new adventure

A Jar Full Of Love

I put a coin in a jar,
for each day I have loved you.
You were the first one to have two jars.
The first one overflew, with metal and love.

You told me it’s unfair
to measure relationships in coins.
But I counted mere days.
I measure my love in infinities.

You left yesterday, a note is all there is now
can’t do this anymore, take care.
I’m not supposed to put another coin,
but your love vanished, not mine.

I’ll put a quarter today, not just a penny.
It’s not for a better value, but the stronger feeling,
of broken hearts and jars full of love.
I don’t think I’ll keep jars anymore.

i am
grave errors,
mistakes,
and wrongdoings.

i am
rusty air,
dust,
and colognes.

i am
mellow skies,
stardust,
and dreams.

i am
sunsets,
autumn,
and change.

i am
ravenous,
brave,
and free.

i am
all there ever was,
all there is,
and all there will be.

The Easy Way Out

It’s easier to laugh it off
Than confront your own
For they shall never understand
Where you’ve been or where you are

It’s easier to ignore
Your pain and suffering
Than ask for help
For they have priorities and you’re not first

It’s easier to smile
Than let them know
Say you’re fine, they’ll believe you
They haven’t delved into your mind

It’s easier to just be,
Exist in a void
Than fight your demons
There are many, and you’re alone

It’s easier to find the abyss
And never come out
They will look down upon you anyway
Numb is better than despair

Fleeting Love

my words cling together
in hopes of making sense
though my tangled thoughts
don’t seem to untangle
how do I explain this
untethered feeling
it flutters through me
like wind through the chimes
it seeds itself
but doesn’t grow tall.

i’m reminded daily
of it’s presence
when you pass by
the little brown fence
and glance at me
through the screened door
you smile and I feel butterflies
you wink and I swoon
you walk away and I’m fine
until the next day
when I see you
and my heart jumps again.

About Life And Living It

It seems unfair at times, why did this happen to me. I had a long, bad phase in life and it decided to stay a while longer. I don’t name it but it has made me a very different person. I see things from a different perspective now. It’s not bad, just very different. And it’s taking time to adjust to this new me.

But life is what it is, you can only fight it so much. You have to start living it someday. And I have decided that my someday has come. I will live it, no matter how hard it may be. No matter how many times I’ve to fight my own mind, my own people. No matter how much pain there is in it. I will live my life, to the fullest. I will make myself happy and I will thank myself for living another day.

Because I matter.

~ on fighting my demons

Defining Depression

The mind is where it all begins
The dark thoughts, the nasty visions
The horrific dreams, yet no sleep
You just keep falling into the abyss, down and deep

You hide away, you do not speak
It comes from within, of the dark you reek
There may be a reason, or it’s just you
Your brain isn’t there, your senses flew

You feel the suffering and pain
There is no out, it doesn’t wane
You wish for a solution, an easy death
There is agony in every breath


How long can you sustain
When every minute is pain
It hurts so much, you cry
But they will never know why

They’ll say it’s a phase, it goes away
Perhaps it does, it can also stay
Forever for one, less for another
But others, they don’t even bother

It’s a battle you fight
In your own mind, there isn’t any light
You’re in the darkest place
Fighting alone, at your own pace


Don’t let them tell you you’re weak
You’re brave and strong, it’s not all bleak
There’s hope, light at the end of it
You’re going to stand out now, never fit

You’ll have the bad days, or a bad month
Your demons will win, your monsters will hunt
Do not quit, it’s a tedious fight
You must go on, you must see the light

It’s Russian roulette, you win or die
It could be a lifelong war, I do not lie
But it’s yours to fight, and win the battles
Because in the end, it’s your life that matters

Better Left Unsaid

It will be just like any other day. Perhaps it’ll be raining. But one day, I’ll gather all my courage and call you. I’ll hear the ring-ring on my side, and my quivering hands would want to cut the call. But I won’t. I’ll be strong that day. I’ll hear your voice say hello. It’ll be just like it was. You’ll probably say hello again, because I would be so glad to hear your voice that I’ll forget to reply. But I will, with my shaky hoarse voice. Hey you, I’ll say. Smriti? You’ll be shocked to hear my voice after so long.

Oh my God how are you?

No. Shut up. Let me say this.

I’m sure my voice will break while I say this. But you’ll understand. You’ve always been able to.

Smriti, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?

Yes, yes. Please.

Okay.

And I’ll tell you everything. I’ll tell you about the broken heart and the sad smiles. I’ll tell you about all that I wrote for you, and never sent your way. I’ll tell you about the hour long discussions I had with my friends about you. I’ll tell you all the things I couldn’t say before. I’ll tell you all the things left unsaid.

I wouldn’t expect anything from you that day. But I’d like to relieve my heart of the burden. It’ll probably hurt you, I’m so sorry. But it’ll have to be done.

I wish that I can do it someday.

But for now, things are better left unsaid.

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